Hello again, hope you guys are doing well?
I found myself caught in a bit of an odd mood this week. Not bad. Just somewhat flat. The piece of work I’d been labouring over for the better part of a month seemed to crumble in my hands at the last moment. I’m too disheartened to fix it right at this moment. I think it needs time to itself and for me to figure out what I really want to achieve with it. This week I honestly picked away at writing as little as possible and chilled out playing Guild Wars 2 most nights.
Thing is, have you ever felt embarrassed over a piece of work you’ve produced? Because I’m feeling that a lot lately, with multiple pieces, both finished and otherwise. Like I need to over explain myself with certain projects as though it’s some reflection on both me at the current time, and whatever final product is lurking in the future. Forgetting all the while that everything has to be ‘bad’ before it is ‘good’.
I think pieces just have that spark sometimes, and I miss when I’m working away at something that just does not have it anymore. It could be good, but there’s something not clicking in my head, or I’m feeling much too inexperienced and inadequate to handle it with any sort of confidence. It’s irritating to me how short-lived and fragile my enthusiasm can be some days. But I am sure I’m not alone in that.
Either way, I’m trying not to have this feel like a setback, even if I feel irritated that I’ve put so much time into something that is still not ready, even at its bones. But, I’m just not the type that can rush things for the sake of sending them out somewhere. I wish I was, sometimes, but alas. I suppose I’m not entirely giving up, though, just moving goal posts a bit.
Novel is still coming along slowly but surely. I’ll come back to Gentle, Subtle Things eventually. But for now, I’m picking away at some old projects that I finished a year or more ago, but knew weren’t quite where I needed them to be.
My recent interest is on a piece that is edging into novella territory, one I’ve stopped and started multiple times. It’s technically fully drafted, but there are a few scenes missing, I feel, and it just needs tying together a bit more cohesively.
Thankfully, it’s one of those pieces that never really stop being fun to work on. I’ve never particularly headed into that project at any point feeling the need to have it pristine and poetic and flawless. It’s messy, full of dialect, a bit tongue-in-cheek, twisted in many fun ways. Even if over, what, three years now, I’ve never gotten it to a polished level, I kind of wish I felt the same comfort in Winner, Winner as I do other projects. It’s just so fun.
Anyway, enough whining from me. It’s a new week. Even if a project isn’t written and wrapped up in one sitting, there’s still something to learn from it, surely? And it’s not as though I haven’t other things to be doing. Once again, it is time to remind myself there is no race, and there is absolutely no worth in forcing a story to wrap up when it is just not ready.
Hope you’re all doing well. Here’s to a good week.
– The Elementals by Michael McDowell
– Paths Best Left Untrodden by Kev Harrison.
– Immortelle by Catherine McCarthy [Awaiting Copy]
– Winner, Winner – static seeping like poison, the flicker of a mysterious game show, reality pulled asunder. 1,998.
– When They Call – coming of age, bad luck breeding in the belly of a coal mine, swallow your grief or die choking on it. 2,233 words.